1. Autistic characters I find relatable
   – When I first got my diagnosis one of the first things I was researching was autistic movie lists on Letterboxd. A couple of the ones on my own list are from back then (May and Little Voice i.e.) but most are actually from movies I’ve known for a long time and only realized how autistic coded they are while rewatching. I think my list is a really good resource for trying to understand how it can feel to be autistic. At least for me.
2. Ranking of the Vampire Movies I’ve Watched
   – This list took years and if you are into the vampire movie genre I can highly recommend it. So much of the genre is pure trash and I needed to watch a lot of obscure movies to get to a few gems. So if you wanna take a shortcut, go with the list.
3. Movies to get to know me
   – I’ve always had a fantasy of how when I would meet someone new I would just give them a big list of movies, TV shows, books and music that I strongly identify with and they would work through it and then just get me as person without me having to explain a lot. This is the mini version of that list.
4. Movies where I’m Team Edward
   – Just silly and funny. I love stupid pointless lists that just point out small things random movies have in common.
5. Movies about mattresses and/or mattress salesmen
   – see above
6. Movies where the guy is a douchebag and the girl is a weirdo who still likes him
   – A very infuriating bunch of movies if you had to deal with dating a lot of shitty men. Watchers beware!
7. Movies that feel like an anxiety attack
   – If you feel really anxious and want to lean into it and feel worse – there you go!
8. Good Movies having prominent Cat characters
   – You’re welcome.
9. Best directorial debuts
   – Already on the blog, so probably not that interesting.
10. Cinemas greatest Romances (according to me)
    – very subjective and I didn’t put that much effort into the list tbh. But still a good bunch of movies…
    
    
    Honorable Mentions:
    
    My Favorite Movies
    Nagetierfilme (rodent movies)
    Movies related to ants
    

Last year there was a very sudden and tragic death in my family that changed the lives of me and my loved ones completely.
That’s also the reason why I haven’t really posted anything on here in a long time because I was too occupied with other things to have energy to put into my hobbies.
Because I am me, one of the first things I did to cope with the situation was to make this list.

1. Aftersun (2022)
   There is no explicit death in this movie, but the movie is a semi-autobiographical retelling about a vacation the filmmaker had with her father, before he later killed himself. You’re not being told what is really happening, but the depression, helplessness and anticipatory grief is always in the air. Even without knowing you can sense that something is wrong, something that you should be concerned about.
2. Synecdoche, New York (2008)
   The movie is about many things and kind of all over the place but in my opinion the most central themes are (fear of) death and grieving what is lost.
   There is a deeply touching monologue at a funeral in it that is one of my favorite scenes ever.
3. A Single Man (2009)
   Visually incredibly stunning film. I first went into it thinking it was just a pretty period film set in the 60s and not knowing how devastatingly sad it is. So be warned! You will cry a lot.
   It’s about a man who has lost all hope after losing his life partner and wandering around on a single day trying to cope with his grief. TW: suicide!
4. The Virgin Suicides (1999)
   One of my favorite movies. It captures the sadness and weight of being a young girl feeling lost in this world.
   I watched it a lot when I was a teen and felt very seen by it.
   As you can tell by the title it deals a lot with suicide and how the people being left after one happens deal with the grief.
   Warning: there are a few very graphic scenes in it.
5. The Holdovers (2023)
   The movie is about 3 characters that I all relate to A LOT for various reasons. One of them is a grieving mother who has just lost her young son in war. The role is played by Da’Vine Joy Randolph whose acting in this is probably the best or at least my favorite I have seen related to grief.
   
6. All of Us Strangers (2023)
   The movie is about a very sad man played by my fav Andrew Scott who has lost both his parents when he was younger. He discovers that he can somehow magically travel back to his childhood home and spend time with his parents (now as an adult) and talk with them about all the trauma he had to endure as a child. It is one of the saddest movies I have ever seen and it has the most devastating ending I’ve probably ever seen. I was sobbing so hard. Be warned!
   
7. C’mon c’mon (2021)
   C’mon c’mon was made by Mike Mills during the time he split from his wife, mother of their child and fellow director Miranda July and you can really tell that he’s working through his own feelings and grief of the loss of his marriage via the movie.
   It’s a about a man who has to take care of his little nephew while his sister goes away to take care of her mentally ill husband. There are really great scenes in it about feeling abandoned, confused, overwhelmed and struggling to feel and vocalize your own feelings. Really, really great film.
   
8. Three Colours: Blue (1993)
   The movie deals with a woman who has lost both her husband and her young daughter in an accident and who is going through different stages of grief and trying to find her way back into life after this great tragedy. It’s really profound and sad and beautiful.
9. The Descendants (2011)
   This one’s about a man who is in the midst of making the decision to sell a piece of land in Hawaii he has inherited when his wife has an accident and goes into a coma she will probably never wake up from. He has to deal with their 2 daughters who are both very distraught and with his own complex feelings towards his wife, who was having an affair before the accident happened. I didn’t think I would like the film very much before I first watched it but ended up being really touched and impressed by it.
   
10. His Three Daughters (2023)
    The movie is mostly set in the apartment of a man who has cancer and is going to die soon. His 3 daughters share the responsibility of caring for him at the end of his life and have to deal with the anticipatory grief and their difficult relationship dynamics with each other as sisters at the same time. Each sister deals with it differently. During almost all of the movie you never see the father, even though he is the central figure. You only feel his presence and hear his daughters talk about him, which I find really interesting.

Honorable Mentions:

Harold and Maude (1971)
Magnolia (1999)
Garden State (2004)
Midsommar (2019)
My Old Ass
 (2024)
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Hereditary (2018)
Antichrist (2009)

PS: I intentionally left out Manchester by the Sea because I really dislike that movie.

I intentionally left out a lot of my favorite movies because I either a) watched them to death, to the point where I don’t feel like watching them as much any more or b) because they make me too sad and are therefore not that helpful with getting out of a bad mood or c) in the case of eternal sunshine because they’re so sacred to me that I only watch them on very special occasions.

1. Mean Girls (2004)
   A cult classic for good reason. Probably the most quotable movie of all time. I first watched it when I was a kid when it first came out and have probably watched it 20 or so times since, enough times to know most of the lines by heart.
   Pure comfort! Thank you, Tina Fey!
2. High Fidelity (2000)
   The first movie my family owned on DVD and a very formative movie (and book) for me. This and Gilmore Girls are probably the main reasons I have encyclopedic pop culture/media knowledge autism and not an obsession with trains or some shit. I know every sentence and feel a need to quote along while watching the movie, which makes it pretty obnoxious to watch it with me. Sorry not sorry.
   
3. Rushmore (1998)
   Formerly one of my top 3 or so movies when I was a teen. I get why people dislike the protagonist, Max (and also Rob from High Fidelity btw) and I would too probably if I hadn’t first seen it as a teen, deeply related to it then and instantly fell in love with Max’ eccentric over the top genius douche bag persona.
   The “O R they?” line will forever be one of my favorite lines of any movie even though no one I know but me finds it very funny.
   
4. Silence of the Lambs (1991)
   I love Jodie Foster and Clarice Starling. Probably the best thriller of all time in my opinion. Every shot is perfect, every line is memorable and quotable. I get so much joy out of watching this, it would probably seem kind of creepy to people who don’t know me.
   
5. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
   I also watched this a lot as a kid and always felt a bit ashamed of how much I loved it and how much I swooned for Darcy’s proclamations of love and the romance of it all.
   I have reclaimed all that in recent years and am proud to say that I stand by being a silly little romantic who giggles and grins every time Darcy flexes his hand because it touched Elizabeth for a second. My feelings about this movie are still what they were last April. My affections and wishes are unchanged.
   
6. Sense and Sensibility (1995)
   If I could leave this world and enter the Jane Austen universe permanently (as a protagonist who will always end up happy and in love of course) I definitely would do so.
   
7. Sunset Boulevard (1950)
   One of the greatest movies of all time imo. I love the drama and extraness of Norma Desmond. And how the story manages to be both funny and entertaining and deeply tragic at the same time. I could probably watch this once a week because of how perfect it is.
   
8. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
   Peek improvisational comedy. I love most of the early Christopher Guest movies but this is by far my favorite.
   I love theatre kids and I especially love Corky St. Claire.
   Also I desperately want that Dinner with Andre action figure set.
   
9. Good Will Hunting (1997)
   One of my favorite movies of all time. I love Robin Williams, especially in sad/”serious” movies and the authenticity he brought to his character and the whole movie via his improvisations. I love the Elliott Smith songs featured in it.
   I love the “Do you know how easy this is for me?” monologue (very autistic coded). I love the “You’re not perfect.” monologue. So many deeply touching and true scenes in this one. Very relatable and comforting to me.
   
10. Almost Famous (2000)
    This is such a love letter to music and basically made for music nerds to enjoy.
    It sucks you in and won’t let you go until the end.
    Also great depiction of the different kinds of assholes men can be. Both the blatant philandering, selfish ones and the “nice guy” incel-ish types.
    Lots of great scenes and quotes.
    There’s something very well rounded about this movie and it feels very satisfying to me because of that.
    

Honorable Mentions:

My Best Friends Wedding (1997)
Sabrina (1954)
The Apartment (1960)
Best in Show (2000)
American Beauty (1999)
Any John Mulaney Special