Last year there was a very sudden and tragic death in my family that changed the lives of me and my loved ones completely.
That’s also the reason why I haven’t really posted anything on here in a long time because I was too occupied with other things to have energy to put into my hobbies.
Because I am me, one of the first things I did to cope with the situation was to make this list.

1. Aftersun (2022)
   There is no explicit death in this movie, but the movie is a semi-autobiographical retelling about a vacation the filmmaker had with her father, before he later killed himself. You’re not being told what is really happening, but the depression, helplessness and anticipatory grief is always in the air. Even without knowing you can sense that something is wrong, something that you should be concerned about.
2. Synecdoche, New York (2008)
   The movie is about many things and kind of all over the place but in my opinion the most central themes are (fear of) death and grieving what is lost.
   There is a deeply touching monologue at a funeral in it that is one of my favorite scenes ever.
3. A Single Man (2009)
   Visually incredibly stunning film. I first went into it thinking it was just a pretty period film set in the 60s and not knowing how devastatingly sad it is. So be warned! You will cry a lot.
   It’s about a man who has lost all hope after losing his life partner and wandering around on a single day trying to cope with his grief. TW: suicide!
4. The Virgin Suicides (1999)
   One of my favorite movies. It captures the sadness and weight of being a young girl feeling lost in this world.
   I watched it a lot when I was a teen and felt very seen by it.
   As you can tell by the title it deals a lot with suicide and how the people being left after one happens deal with the grief.
   Warning: there are a few very graphic scenes in it.
5. The Holdovers (2023)
   The movie is about 3 characters that I all relate to A LOT for various reasons. One of them is a grieving mother who has just lost her young son in war. The role is played by Da’Vine Joy Randolph whose acting in this is probably the best or at least my favorite I have seen related to grief.
   
6. All of Us Strangers (2023)
   The movie is about a very sad man played by my fav Andrew Scott who has lost both his parents when he was younger. He discovers that he can somehow magically travel back to his childhood home and spend time with his parents (now as an adult) and talk with them about all the trauma he had to endure as a child. It is one of the saddest movies I have ever seen and it has the most devastating ending I’ve probably ever seen. I was sobbing so hard. Be warned!
   
7. C’mon c’mon (2021)
   C’mon c’mon was made by Mike Mills during the time he split from his wife, mother of their child and fellow director Miranda July and you can really tell that he’s working through his own feelings and grief of the loss of his marriage via the movie.
   It’s a about a man who has to take care of his little nephew while his sister goes away to take care of her mentally ill husband. There are really great scenes in it about feeling abandoned, confused, overwhelmed and struggling to feel and vocalize your own feelings. Really, really great film.
   
8. Three Colours: Blue (1993)
   The movie deals with a woman who has lost both her husband and her young daughter in an accident and who is going through different stages of grief and trying to find her way back into life after this great tragedy. It’s really profound and sad and beautiful.
9. The Descendants (2011)
   This one’s about a man who is in the midst of making the decision to sell a piece of land in Hawaii he has inherited when his wife has an accident and goes into a coma she will probably never wake up from. He has to deal with their 2 daughters who are both very distraught and with his own complex feelings towards his wife, who was having an affair before the accident happened. I didn’t think I would like the film very much before I first watched it but ended up being really touched and impressed by it.
   
10. His Three Daughters (2023)
    The movie is mostly set in the apartment of a man who has cancer and is going to die soon. His 3 daughters share the responsibility of caring for him at the end of his life and have to deal with the anticipatory grief and their difficult relationship dynamics with each other as sisters at the same time. Each sister deals with it differently. During almost all of the movie you never see the father, even though he is the central figure. You only feel his presence and hear his daughters talk about him, which I find really interesting.

Honorable Mentions:

Harold and Maude (1971)
Magnolia (1999)
Garden State (2004)
Midsommar (2019)
My Old Ass
 (2024)
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Hereditary (2018)
Antichrist (2009)

PS: I intentionally left out Manchester by the Sea because I really dislike that movie.

I intentionally left out a lot of my favorite movies because I either a) watched them to death, to the point where I don’t feel like watching them as much any more or b) because they make me too sad and are therefore not that helpful with getting out of a bad mood or c) in the case of eternal sunshine because they’re so sacred to me that I only watch them on very special occasions.

1. Mean Girls (2004)
   A cult classic for good reason. Probably the most quotable movie of all time. I first watched it when I was a kid when it first came out and have probably watched it 20 or so times since, enough times to know most of the lines by heart.
   Pure comfort! Thank you, Tina Fey!
2. High Fidelity (2000)
   The first movie my family owned on DVD and a very formative movie (and book) for me. This and Gilmore Girls are probably the main reasons I have encyclopedic pop culture/media knowledge autism and not an obsession with trains or some shit. I know every sentence and feel a need to quote along while watching the movie, which makes it pretty obnoxious to watch it with me. Sorry not sorry.
   
3. Rushmore (1998)
   Formerly one of my top 3 or so movies when I was a teen. I get why people dislike the protagonist, Max (and also Rob from High Fidelity btw) and I would too probably if I hadn’t first seen it as a teen, deeply related to it then and instantly fell in love with Max’ eccentric over the top genius douche bag persona.
   The “O R they?” line will forever be one of my favorite lines of any movie even though no one I know but me finds it very funny.
   
4. Silence of the Lambs (1991)
   I love Jodie Foster and Clarice Starling. Probably the best thriller of all time in my opinion. Every shot is perfect, every line is memorable and quotable. I get so much joy out of watching this, it would probably seem kind of creepy to people who don’t know me.
   
5. Pride and Prejudice (2005)
   I also watched this a lot as a kid and always felt a bit ashamed of how much I loved it and how much I swooned for Darcy’s proclamations of love and the romance of it all.
   I have reclaimed all that in recent years and am proud to say that I stand by being a silly little romantic who giggles and grins every time Darcy flexes his hand because it touched Elizabeth for a second. My feelings about this movie are still what they were last April. My affections and wishes are unchanged.
   
6. Sense and Sensibility (1995)
   If I could leave this world and enter the Jane Austen universe permanently (as a protagonist who will always end up happy and in love of course) I definitely would do so.
   
7. Sunset Boulevard (1950)
   One of the greatest movies of all time imo. I love the drama and extraness of Norma Desmond. And how the story manages to be both funny and entertaining and deeply tragic at the same time. I could probably watch this once a week because of how perfect it is.
   
8. Waiting for Guffman (1996)
   Peek improvisational comedy. I love most of the early Christopher Guest movies but this is by far my favorite.
   I love theatre kids and I especially love Corky St. Claire.
   Also I desperately want that Dinner with Andre action figure set.
   
9. Good Will Hunting (1997)
   One of my favorite movies of all time. I love Robin Williams, especially in sad/”serious” movies and the authenticity he brought to his character and the whole movie via his improvisations. I love the Elliott Smith songs featured in it.
   I love the “Do you know how easy this is for me?” monologue (very autistic coded). I love the “You’re not perfect.” monologue. So many deeply touching and true scenes in this one. Very relatable and comforting to me.
   
10. Almost Famous (2000)
    This is such a love letter to music and basically made for music nerds to enjoy.
    It sucks you in and won’t let you go until the end.
    Also great depiction of the different kinds of assholes men can be. Both the blatant philandering, selfish ones and the “nice guy” incel-ish types.
    Lots of great scenes and quotes.
    There’s something very well rounded about this movie and it feels very satisfying to me because of that.
    

Honorable Mentions:

My Best Friends Wedding (1997)
Sabrina (1954)
The Apartment (1960)
Best in Show (2000)
American Beauty (1999)
Any John Mulaney Special

1. Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971)
2. The Sword in the Stone (1963)
3. Wicked (2024)
4. Practical Magic (1998)
5. Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988)
6. The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
7. Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)
8. The Love Witch (2016)
9. Hocus Pocus (1993)
10. The Craft (1996)

Honorable Mentions: Four Rooms (1995), The Wizard of oz (1939), Sleepy Hollow (1999), Bibi Blocksberg (2002)

1. Movies about weird people falling in love (Science of Sleep, Eagle vs. Shark, Silver Linings Playbook, etc.)
2. Coming of age movies about weird/outcast teens (Rushmore, Ghost World, Juno, etc.)
3. Movies that are just one long deep conversation (My dinner with Andre, Before Sunrise-trilogy, etc.)
4. Psychological thrillers (bonus if “erotic” and/or from the 90s)
5. Girly teen movies (80s/90s/00s) 
6. Rom Coms (especially the 90s ones)
7. Extremely fucked up movies dealing with uncomfortable subjects like rape, pedophilia or self-harm/suicide in a kind of way that doesn’t feel inauthentic or like trauma porn (think Todd Solondz movies)
8. Atypical horror that is more focused on fucking you up psychologically rather than with gore (Ari Aster movies, Jordan Peele movies, etc.)
9. Movies about dysfunctional families that are both devastating and hopeful (think Little Miss Sunshine, Kajillionaire, etc.)
10. Documentaries about artists or musicians

Honorable Mentions: Screwball comedies from the 30s/40s, many different documentary sub-genres, mockumentaries, christmas movies, movies about queer people that are actually made by queer people, movies about dreamers (they’re almost always autistic-coded lol), classic murder mystery movies, stoner films, movies about music nerds,

Chick flicks are movies that are marketed towards women, mostly romantic comedies or sappy love stories.
They’re often (falsely) regarded as lowbrow entertainment.
I grew up loving the whole genre and had a huge collection, first on VHS then DVD. But when I was a teenager I started feeling insecure about how much I loved them. I wanted to be seen by others as a respectable cinephile with impeccable taste, so I started hiding all of my DVDs that I thought were embarrassing or uncool inside of a secret drawer and a few years later I just gave all of them away. 🥲
In recent years I’ve started buying all the same ones I used to have again whenever I see them at thrift stores and I’m happy to say my collection is slowly growing back to its original size. \o/

For me teen movies are a separate genre so I’ve excluded them on this list. I’ve also excluded Jane Austen adaptations. There are just so many that I love and I didn’t want them to take up all the space.

1. The First Wives Club (1996)
2. 13 going on 30 (2004)
3. Heartbreakers (2001)
4. Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001)
5. When Harry Met Sally (1989)
6. Ever After (1998)
7. 500 Days of Summer (2009)
8. Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997)
9. The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
10. Sleepless in Seattle (1993)

Honorable Mentions: Moonstruck (1987), Joe Versus the Volcano (1990), Jumping Jack Flash (1986), My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997), Legally Blonde (2001),
Uptown Girls (2003), What Women Want (2000)

Movies I liked/loved by people who for some reason only ever made one feature film.

I don’t count movies like “Sorry to bother you” or “Aftersun”, because they came out not that long ago and I’m pretty sure the directors are going to end up making some more films.

The idea for this list came from my friend Katja (shoutout!)

1. Gen Sekiguchi – Survive Style 5+ (2004)
   
   This is one of my all time favorite movies and I’m so sad that the director never made another one. It is complete perfection in my opinion and I recommend it a lot to friends because it’s relatively obscure and I want more people to know about it.
   Aesthetically incredible beautiful and artsy, very original, sweet, sad at times, funny!!! This movie has it all.
   
2. David Byrne – True Stories (1986)
   
   David Byrne is not only a musical genius but also a really great director and I find it very unfortunate that he never got back into filmmaking. The movie is very very pretty, well written, funny, original. You can really see how detail-oriented this guy is because every little thing in it is just perfect.
   Highly recommend!
   
3. Matthew Ryan Hoge – United States of Leland (2003)
   
   Also one of my favorite movies and my favorite performance of Ryan Gosling, who plays the lead.
   The movie is underrated in my opinion (3.3 average on Letterboxd) and also not really well-known despite having an absurdly stacked cast (Kevin Spacey, Don Cheadle, Jena Malone, Martin Donovan, Michelle Williams).
   I really related to the movie when I was a teen and it still touched me very deeply when I recently rewatched it.
   But TW: the premise is that a teen boy kills a disabled kid and no one knows his motive. And the film empathises with the killer and doesn’t straight up frame him as an evil monster.
   
4. Bo Burnham – Eighth Grade (2018)
   
   This movie was made during Bo Burnham’s hiatus from stand up in between “Make Happy” and “Inside”. His anxiety had gotten really bad and he felt unable to perform in front of an audience. The idea behind the movie was him channeling all that anxiety into a story about a teenage girl who’s also anxious constantly and that idea really paid off. I’ve watched it multiple times now and I’m still stunned every time that this movie was made by an adult man. It feels so authentic.
   There is one scene in it (I won’t spoil it) that I think every guy should watch to truly get how fucking scary it is to be a girl.
   
5. Yoshifumi Kondo – Whisper of the Heart (1995)
   
   This is one of my favorite Studio Ghibli movies and I only just recently found out that the director was set out to be next star director for the studio, but sadly passed away only a few years after making the movie. He had worked on many Ghibli movies before but this was his first time directing.
   
6. Jessica Sharzer – Speak (2004)
   
   A really great film adaptation of an amazing young adult novel. When I first watched the film I was so taken with it that I had to read the book right after, which for me always is the most obvious sign of a successful adaptation.
   It features a teenaged Kristen Stewart as the lead and her acting in this is incredible. Probably my favorite role of hers.
   The story is about sexual trauma (so big trigger warning!), but you don’t really know what exactly happened for most of it. It deals with the subject by showing the effects, the feelings and behavior of someone who went through trauma and is overwhelmed with having to deal with the aftermath.
   One of the best movies about this subject in my opinion.
   
7. John Swayback – The Big Kahuna (1999)
   
   This film is based on a play whose writer also wrote the screenplay. It’s a chamber play (small cast, set in one place during a small time frame) which I looove in movies.
   The 3 important characters are played by Kevin Spacey, Danny DeVito and Peter Facinelli (the vampire dad in Twilight).
   It’s basically just long philosophical discussions about life and work between two older, very jaded guys and one young guy who’s very naive and optimistic. I really like this movie.
   
8. Chris Blum – Big Time (1988)
   
   Great concert movie from the 80s about Tom Waits.
   It’s one of the best concert movies I’ve seen and there’s a lot of effort put in for it to be original and interesting.
   And the sets are really cool looking.
   Would recommend to any fans of Tom Waits’ music.
   
9. Nicholas Jasenovec – Paper Heart (2009)
   
   This is not the best movie ever, but it’s really cute and romantic and features cool animation throughout.
   It’s a mockumentary about the comedian/actor Lo Mutuc, who also wrote the script (You might know them by a different name. They are out as genderfluid now but the movie came out before) searching for love and interviewing random people about their relationships and experiences with finding love. They end up meeting Michael Cera (also playing himself) and they like each other and start dating. Mutuc and Cera play fictionalised versions of themselves and the director is played by Jake Johnson (Nick from New Girl) which is very random, but the interviews about love are all real afaik.
   
10. Drew Barrymore – Whip it (2009)
    
    Cute coming of age movie about a roller derby team featuring Elliot Page in the main role. It’s also not the best in my opinion but worth a watch if you like Elliot Page, roller derby or the aesthetics of 2000s coming-of-age indie movies.
    

Honorable Mention: Gabriel Sunday – Hi, How Are You Daniel Johnston? (2015)

I unfortunately couldn’t put it on the list because it’s a short film but it’s probably my favorite short film ever made.
It’s about and starring Daniel Johnston, one of my favorite musicians and artists, who sadly passed away since it came out.
It is really really well done and features the singer Soko in a small role. There is also a beautiful cover of “Some things last a long time” sung by Lana Del Rey in it, that was recorded just for the movie.
Both Mac Miller and her contributed a lot of money to the kickstarter campaign that funded the movie.
It’s only 15 minutes and you can find it on YouTube.

I only count feature films. Most directors make short films early in their careers but they don’t really count as their debut to me.

Also I didn’t rank the films only on how much I like them but on how impressive of a feat it is in my opinion to have a movie that is that well crafted in all regards and that has such universal appeal to be your first movie. (so some movies that are a more acquired taste are ranked lower even though I love them the most)

It is crazy to me that all of these movies were someone’s first try at making feature films. The first 10 are obvious 10/10s to me.

1. Past Lives (Celine Song, 2023)
2. Get Out (Jordan Peele, 2017)
3. American Beauty (Sam Mendes, 1999)
4. The Virgin Suicides (Sofia Coppola, 1999)
5. Aftersun (Charlotte Wells, 2022)
6. Whiplash (Damien Chazelle, 2014)
7. Blood Simple (Coen Brothers, 1984)
8. Pride and Prejudice (Joe Wright, 2005)
9. Me and You and Everyone We Know (Miranda July, 2005)
10. Go Fish (Rose Troche, 1994)
    

Honorable Mentions:

Hard Eight (Paul Thomas Anderson, 1996)
Garden State (Zach Braff, 2004)
Brick (Rian Johnson, 2005)
Sorry to bother you (Boots Riley, 2018)
Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig, 2017)
Shiva Baby (Emma Seligman, 2020)
Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (Tim Burton, 1985)

If you know of more (good) movies that fit the description please tell me. It’s like one of my favorite genres. I love loser girls. They make me feel seen. <3

The main girl(s) needs to be really unpopular/bullied and socially awkward in a school setting or grown up and a real fuck-up who can’t get their shit together resulting in their life falling apart.
Bonus if they still live with their parents and have max. 1 friend and fail to date anyone (successfully).

1. Muriels Wedding
2.Welcome to the Dollhouse
3. May
4. Frances Ha.
5. Ghost World
6. Young Adult
7. Eighth Grade
8. Shiva Baby
9. Drop Dead Fred
10. Bottoms


Honorable Mentions: Fleabag (if you count the pro-shot of the play as a movie), Booksmart, Dinner in America and Ingrid goes West.

I have decided to make 2 separate lists for 90s teen movies, one fun and one serious, because I just love them all so much I couldn’t fit them into one.

1. Rushmore (1998)
2. 10 things I hate about you (1999)
3. But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)
4. Dazed and Confused (1993)
5. The Doom Generation (1995)
6. Election (1999)
7. Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999)
8. She’s all that (1999)
9. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
10. Jawbreaker (1999)

Honorable Mentions: Clueless (1995), Can’t Hardly Wait (1998), Dick (1999), The Opposite of Sex (1998), American Pie (1999)

(Most of the honorable mentions are guilty pleasures because of how problematic and/or stupid they are, so please don’t judge me too harshly for how much I love them)